A Challenge

who am I, to me?

delving into the past, when I was a child, I was always (and felt I had to be) the smartest kid, the best kid, the one who was most important, most passionate, most... well, you get the point. At some point I came to realize that no matter how good you are, there is always someone better. At some things, there were a LOT of people better. I lost my way a little when I realized this, because I was raised to believe that with enough effort, I could be the best.

So I decided to be the best at the one thing that nobody else could ever beat me at - being me.

what that meant to me, obviously changed over time, but the basics are still the same.

and those basics are, quite simply, be good to everyone, even if I don't like them, and try not to dislike anyone... obviously some people have flaws that make them downright detestable, but even they have redeeming qualities somewhere... I learned to forgive people for their mistakes, no matter what they were, and not to put myself in a situation where someones flaws could hurt me... so if a friend was horrible with money, I wouldn't lend that person money - if they were in need and I could afford to give them money, I might... but never lend it to them. If someone was a horrible womanizer, I wouldn't bring them into a situation with any women I wanted, because they couldn't be trusted to honour my personal feelings in that situation, whether she could or not (and sometimes at the outset of a relationship, it's easy to sway someone)

Anyways... I don't believe I have the right to judge someone as a person based on their flaws

now, if someone were a murderer, or an abuser, or a pedophile... I wouldn't ever knowingly associate with them, because while they may have redeeming qualities somewhere, the darkness and disease inside them is more than I could ever handle. I get mad when people abuse animals, but people? People who abuse other people, who derive pleasure from suffering? That's not a flaw, that's a disease, the kind of which will never be forgivable - the thought of someone deriving pleasure from the suffering or death of another human being makes them less than human, and unworthy of any kind of forgiveness. (I wouldn't include crimes of passion in this... someone would need to crave and enjoy the negative energy and suffering to fall into this category...)

I found my dislike for religion at a very young age - I'm not religious at all. I would consider myself a semi-spiritual non-theist... and here is one question that I would have to ask myself anytime I wonder about the god that pervades the christian, muslim and jewish faiths (yeah, they all worship the same deity)

there are 2 or more books of the bible - some recognize books that others don't obviously... but there is a common thing in all.

their God changed his/her mind.

their god was jealous.

their god was vengeful, spiteful, and childish.

but the question is this.

if a being is omnipotent, omnipresent, and all encompassing... it would know everything, see everything... from the beginning to the end. There would be no doubts, no questions, nothing would ever change. The path would never be seen in any different light.

Such a being would never have any cause to doubt

So... why would that being change or evolve? There would be no need or reason to do so, the mere nature of the beast is such that it could never be wrong, nor could it ever need any sort of reassurance, nor could it have any sort of flaw.

So... there would be no jealousy

no doubt

no change.

no chance such a being exists.

if there actually was a god, in the nature of biblical writings, by that creature's very nature it is neither omnipotent or omnipresent, and therefor not almighty.

angels would never rebel against a perfect being.

anyways, I've seen and heart and experienced things that tell me that there ARE things beyond what we can see, but I don't know what they are - I don't think any person, not living anyways, has any clue what's out beyond our realm of being, and I don't know that we ever get to see.

so who is Patrick?

I'm someone who has eternal patience, but wants everything now... someone who wants to help, but doesn't always know how. Someone who often finds what he's looking for, but has yet to really grasp what it is he wants. I do believe I've found what I'm looking for now, but actually grasping it, reaching it, is both well within reach, and incredibly difficult to accomplish

I learn from my mistakes, and I respect people until they give me a reason not to. I don't judge most things, as I don't believe it's my place. I would do anything for someone who I believe in. If I believe in you, you probably know it.

I don't anger easily, and I don't see any value in anger - life is short enough as it is, there's no need to make your life any less than it should be by wasting time with negativity. I don't always succeed in avoiding it, but I try...

I feel the same way about jealousy - we're all individuals, and nobody owns anyone - if someone is with me, it's because they WANT to be with me, and vice versa - if someone wants to be with someone else, then I respect that, and wish them well.

I'm lazy.

I don't have anything against working hard for a purpose - in fact, I've been known to do so on many occasions.

I have a knack for making things work - flying by the seat of my pants, and coming out the other end intact and happy. Some of my friends pointed this out to me, and I guess I've had some good luck in this life... I'm sure part of it is related to simply giving people respect, and part to being smart enough to stay out of any real, serious trouble... I experimented with things that would be considered bad in my teens, and 20s, but nothing that would odds on kill me or addict me... except for cigarettes, which was a hellishly poor choice... I imagine in the end, even if I manage to quit (trying) that's probably what will kill me. I was, and still am, a feverish anti-smoker, who started smoking for a very poor reason, and got hooked badly - I've quit for periods over a year, and then had traumatic events drive me back to it... there's a strange comfort in it.

I love being clean.

I'm casual and comfortable - the kind of guy who doesn't normally do things just to make himself look prettier or better or wealthier

I do things, workwise, because they interest me - I have no patience for things that bore me, whether or not they pay well... I wouldn't do a line job for all the money in the world, but if I found something I love to do, I'd do it for next to nothing, and love doing it, and be okay with not having money.

in the end, the person with the most reason to smile is the richest person, in my opinion, and money can't buy that... it can relieve financial stress, but it doesn't make anyone happy.

Happiness is seeing someone you love happy.

Happiness is waking up, and being glad you're alive.

Happiness is knowing that you made someone feel better about themselves, brought a smile to the face of someone who was sad... gave hope to someone in despair...

I like trying new things, but I get bored of them quickly, or frustrated, or both... as such, I can do a rubik's cube, play guitar, design pretty graphics, write great ad copy, drive really, really fast without being dangerous, cook a mean alfredo, make an awesome sandwich, heck, cook almost anything... I've been a cook, a DJ, a copywriter, a barista, a bookseller, a graphic designer, a student, a salesperson, a 7-11 clerk, a bartender, a waiter, a housekeeper, an insulator, a painter, a poet, a musician, a security guard, a bouncer, a receptionist, a computer technician, an editor... I've done so many things because I'm interested in everything... and learning is my biggest vice

I don't know that you can tell much about me from this, but it is me... I'm eclectic, hard to read sometimes... but my intentions are never malicious, and my actions, well... not always perfect, but the best I can do with what I know.